Fifty Shades of Snark- Introduction

[From here on out, I'm gonna assume that every reader is familiar with Cleolinda's Twilight Recaps and the Slacktivist's witty and fascinating serial Left Behind critiques. If you're not...become so, posthaste. You'll thank me later.]

If you've never heard of the book Fifty Shades of Grey, you have been missing out, because, dude, this shit is ridiculous. What happened was that a woman wrote a Twilight fanfiction piece and posted it on the internet, and then somehow decided that she ought to change the names and publish this stuff as an e-book. Then all these New York stay-at-home-moms became obsessed with it and then other ladies also became obsessed with it and now it's, like, an actual bestselling series. Oh, and it's an erotic novel about a BDSM relationship between a college student and a businessman. Yes, that really happened. No, I am not making this up.

I've had some friends express curiosity, interested disgust, and mild amusement at the prospect of reading this book, but few of them have actually been brave enough to jump in, considering the terrible reviews and the mountains of violently purple prose into which they would have to wade. So you know what? I'm gonna take the bullet for us all. I will sacrifice myself so that you, dear reader, can take pleasure from the horribleness of pseudo-Twilight-fanfiction-masquerading-as-actual-fiction without being forced to support the twisted literary machine that decided this shit was acceptable in the first place.

In the grand tradition of reading terrible literature and making fun of it on the internet, I've decided that I will be reading Fifty Shades of Grey and recapping it here. This way you don't have to spend money buying the books, or waste time going to the library, or kill any more of your brain cells than you absolutely must. (Although, in all fairness, you'll still lose a few. I'm not a very good writer, either.)

Aren’t you glad I’m spending my summer reading trashy fiction and complaining about it to you instead of making money to support myself? You’re welcome.